


Made My Bed But I'm Still Wondering

by coppercaps



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Families of Choice, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Procedures (mentioned), Tseng (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25089427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coppercaps/pseuds/coppercaps
Summary: "Reno allowed his thoughts to drift, wondered how things would be if he had made a different choice. Hadn’t dedicated his life to Rufus Shinra and the Turks, had taken the opportunity to leave and build his own."Elena asks Reno for a favor. They talk about what could have been and why things became the way they did.Pre-The Kids Are Alright: A Turk's Side Story.
Kudos: 6





	Made My Bed But I'm Still Wondering

**Author's Note:**

> I shall call this “The one my friend annoyed me into writing”. She and a friend of hers have been exchanging headcanons and I got a little inspired after she told me of some of them. From that point forth, she didn’t shut up about it (still love her tons tho) so here’s something different from my usual jam. 
> 
> The title is inspired by a well-known phrase as well as a line from the song Monsters by All Time Low. The song doesn’t have anything to do with the story though, I just found it fitting when I heard it.
> 
> As always, I apologize for any errors since English isn't my first language.

“Thursday, ten AM?”  
The blonde woman in front of Reno nodded, her brown eyes nervously darting about the room.  
“Yeah. The boss will be on President duty, Rude is busy getting the chopper fixed for the trip to Junon next week.”  
“And you need my help with what exactly?”  
Chewing the inside of her lower lip with her right canines, Elena hesitated for a moment, apparently searching for the right words.  
“I will need a ride home. From Edge.”  
“One way? I can get you a car if that’s–“  
“No, that won’t do”, Elena interrupted and the decisiveness in her voice had the redhead drop the trademark smirk that rested on his lips, “I know there’s no such a thing as being off schedule these days but I saw that Tseng hadn’t planned you in for anything until the afternoon and I wondered… well… could you do me this one favor?”

It wasn’t that Reno didn’t want to help her out.  
Picking Elena up from wherever she would be to drive her back to Healen Lodge seemed to be quite the simple task and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do anyway. The potential of spending time with the rookie and maybe tease her a bit on however long the ride would be bore the potential to be a lot more entertaining than his alternative fallback task of overseeing the construction of the Meteor Monument. No, his hesitation originated in his wonder why she was hesitant to tell him the reason she wouldn’t be able to drive herself.  
Elena was very much capable of handling her own and navigate a car through the narrow streets of Edge, however shitty these may come these days. Her insisting on him coming to pick her up himself and drive them back had him conclude that Elena planned to not be able to drive. Her hesitance about providing details concerning this matter told Reno that whichever reason there would be for her to be unable to, she didn’t feel comfortable disclosing it to him.  
And that was what sparked uneasiness.

Secretiveness wasn’t something one would encounter within the ranks of the Turks. There were cases in which not all of them were privy to certain information, mostly when it came to strategic key intel that went beyond what was necessary to get the assigned job done, but such occurrences were rather rare these days. The events surrounding Sephiroth and Meteorfall hadn’t just tightened their bond as a team, it had also realigned their priorities. Building a strong foundation for Rufus’ plans of a new world to come to fruition, along with finding a cure for the deadly Geostigma disease, made up the top of their priority list. There wasn’t much going on above Reno’s clearance, let alone something that would be above his but within the younger Turks’.

Having stumbled into his fair share of badly prepared situations, Reno could come up with at least a dozen scenarios of how things could south off the top of his head. Having survived all of these, he was well aware of how to prevent that from happening, but this was very much dependant on Elena’s cooperation by telling him at least a little more about what he had to expect or of which nature this favor was.  
However, she was obviously keen on beating around the bush there.

Tilting his head sideways in contained curiosity, Reno decided to carefully try to elicit more details from Elena. “I can help you out but I gotta know where to go, yo.”  
Relief sparked in light brown eyes and the younger Turk was quick to produce a neatly folded piece of paper from the left pocket of her dress pants. “This is the address. It’s on the southern edge of the city, slightly hidden, but you will find it if you follow the directions for once.”

The grin Reno gave her at her little jab didn’t quite reach his eyes but he hoped it aided in further easing her nerves anyway. Unfolding the paper, Reno was almost disappointed to notice that the words and descriptions didn’t ring a bell at all.  
He wasn’t sure what he had expected. It wasn’t like anyone bothered to name every single one of Edge’s rapidly growing number of streets and if Elena had been comfortable enough to write the places’ title on the paper she obviously had prepared to give him beforehand, she probably wouldn’t have kept the information from him from begin with.

“Thursday ten AM it is then?”, the blonde questioned. Reno averted his steel green eyes from the note in his hand to nod affirmatively.  
“Thanks, Reno. It means a lot.”

* * *

Glancing around the narrow street, Reno noticed with a displeased huff that the location he found himself at was just as nondescript as the directions he had been given. The single name scrawled on an artlessly improvised wooden nameplate on the house in front of him matched the one on Elena’s note and thus confirmed that he was in the right place, but it frustrated Reno that he still had no clue what this place was about and what Elena’s business could be.

Not knowing this had let him to play safe and leave his jacket and dress shirt in the car to opt for a simple grey t-shirt along with his usual dress pants instead, his gun safely hidden beneath the loose cotton covering his torso.  
Leaning against its frame, the redhead and his dirty, night blue car stood out like a sore thumb in this neighborhood marked by the destruction left after Meteor. The handful of people he could spot didn’t strike him as having been part of Midgar’s upper class before the incident and thus confirmed his suspicion that outing himself as loyal to Shinra might be unwise. Many harbored rage towards the name, its associates, and all it used to stand for, even more so since the whole incident surrounding Sephiroth.  
Not knowing what’s going on, Reno didn’t want to risk attracting any additional unwanted attention by outing himself as a Turk straight away. People still respected (read feared) the Turks, but whatever this was about might be a sensitive matter. Reno didn’t doubt that he would be capable of handling any disputes his presence would provoke, but he didn’t want to risk torpedoing whatever it was Elena was doing here.

Trying to maintain an unobtrusive appearance, the redhead looked around disinterestedly, attempting to low key pick up any details that would help him deduce what this might be about.  
There were no shops to be seen and the location wasn’t known for hosting any black market dealers, so he ruled out that Elena would need the car to transport any valuable cargo she might have secretly gotten her hands on in an attempt to impress their boss. Reno was aware that Elena disliked her rookie status and tried to prove herself in any given situation, but there was nothing she could do to rid herself of that any time soon. Tseng, Rude and him had gone through too much together before she had been recruited, and catching up on that will take a lot more time than she was willing to give.  
It wasn’t like that had an impact on what she was entrusted with though; The shortage of manpower the Turks found themselves in wasn’t the only reason there was barely anything off-limits to assign her to. Elena had proven herself as capable and loyal by having remained by Rufus’ side when most of the Turks had scattered and retreated into a somewhat passive activeness after Meteorfall.  
Not that anyone could ever choose to get out of the Turks anyway; Reno was well aware that it would take Tseng a single phone call to reactivate every single man and woman that ever had the pleasure and responsibility that came with wearing the suit. A “member going passive”, as it was now called, might not be disposed of right away anymore, but deciding to take a break from their duties certainly had an impact on how one was perceived. At least for Reno.

The Second in Command mentally crossed out a couple of other motivations why Elena would want him to pick her up.  
Being here to kidnap someone wasn’t an option, Reno would know about such business even if he himself wasn’t assigned to it.  
Maybe something personal instead? Revenge?  
The Turk was about to mentally go through every single conversation he’d had with his colleague in the past months when the door in front of him opened and revealed a sight that had him surge forward on instinct, triggering one of the very few fears that still existed within him.

He didn’t mind-blowing shit up and being shot at. Falling out of a helicopter wasn’t pleasant, but he had dealt with that to. Fought enemies that outnumbered him by far, laughed in death’s face more than once, and all of that without a second of hesitance or doubt.  
What did spark an almost primal surge of crushing, ice-cold dread, however, was seeing one of his fellow Turks injured. And the badly hidden pain that distorted Elena’s face ever so slightly as she approached him on shaky legs, clad in a plain t-shirt and sweatpants instead of her Turks uniform, hit that very fear heads on like a freight-train.

Quietly calling out her name, Reno was at Elena’s side in an instant, one arm reaching around her back as he held on to her forearms to stabilize her step, allowing her to lean against him for support should her quivering knees give out.  
Alertedly watching out, scanning their environment for any sign of danger, the redhead almost missed how Elena rose one hand to his chest in an attempt to soothe his alarm.  
“It’s ok, I’m alright. This is– Let’s get in the car, I’ll explain. We’re not in danger.”  
Searching her words and expression for any kind of code that would imply a different meaning than the words she spoke, the Turk concluded that he couldn’t find any. Instead of pushing the matter further, Reno supported the smaller woman as they closed the short distance to the car, opened the door and helped her in the passenger seat. Rounding the vehicle in quick strides, he found himself instinctively repressing the urge to keep his hand close to his gun.

The impulse to have something in hand to defend them with was strong, but years of training and being in action had indoctrinated his body to choke off any physical reactions to such urges before they could break free. Suggesting where they hid their weapons by merely the twitch of a finger could mean certain death to a Turk. They couldn’t allow themselves to have tells like that.

Sliding into the driver seat and starting the engine as he buckled up, Reno pushed the accelerator the moment the engine roared to life and drove them away from the location as fast as he could without making people around them wary.  
Checking the rearview mirror, the redhead made sure that they weren’t being followed before he allowed his gaze to drift to the passenger seat where he found the young woman slumped, fingers enveloping the seatbelt in a tight grip as she kept it from pulling taut. He recognized that Elena was trying to settle in the seat, shifting to get comfortable despite feeling obvious strong discomfort edging on pain, but Reno wasn’t willing to just sit there and patiently wait for her to finish without at least somewhat of an explanation what was going on.

“Who hurt you? How bad is it?”, he pushed, gaze repeatedly shifting between the street ahead of them and Elena’s form.  
“It’s bearable. I should’ve said something, I’m sorry, I– I had something done. A medical procedure.”

Reno abruptly hit the brake at that, which Elena commented with an involuntary yelp at the jolt that had her slide in her seat. Pedestrians crossed the street before them and Reno himself wasn’t sure whether he stopped for them or due to Elena’s words.  
“How bad is it?”, he repeated, his voice low and serious, steel green eyes now trained on light brown ones.  
“Not bad at all. It was voluntary.”

Normally, he could prevent his expression from betraying any and all thoughts, but then and there, Reno did a bad job hiding how his mind was racing to connect the dots, eyes mustering Elena’s body up and down, searching for any apparent change, until realization seemed to hit him with a small “Oh. You were… _Oh_.”  
Blushing heavily at the suggestion of his words, Elena quickly interrupted, “No, not what you– Shiva, no! It’s not what you think! I–“ The blonde sighed heavily, sinking in her seat a little as Reno continued their ride, eyes closed as she searched her mind for the right words.

Figuring that she found none other than the bold truth, she murmured, “I had my tubes tied.”  
Dark eyebrows rose in surprise, followed by a stare.  
“You… had surgery to…”  
“Yeah, would you kindly keep your eyes on the street and not kill anyone?”

Doing as he was told, Reno found himself at a loss for words. He could count the number of that having happened in his life on one hand and made a mental note to add this instant to his non-existent gallery of speechless moments.  
The silence that fell between the two Turks was uncomfortable and the occasional rattles and purrs of their vehicle’s worn engine didn’t do anything to diminish the almost tangible tension.

“You thought I was pregnant”, Elena finally spoke and Reno wasn’t sure whether that was a question or a statement.  
“Yeah, well, I mean, not that I want to think about you doin’ the do with some guy and stuff. But that would kind of explain all that secrecy, yo.”  
He almost anticipated Elena to react annoyed or put off by what he said, so the tired laugh he received as an answer came slightly unexpected. “As if anyone would have the time for that, with everything going on.”  
“Rude’s got this–“  
“I do _not_ want to know what Rude does off the clock, Reno.”

Retrieving his trademark smirk, Reno smiled at how easily Elena had become flustered. He made a mental note to tease her more about that in future.  
The silence that settled once again was a lot more relaxed this time around as the older man concentrated on navigating them out of the grey city. His eyes remained trained on what laid ahead of them, but his other senses didn’t miss how Elena tensed every time the car bounced on the uneven wasteland ground leading them away from Edge and towards Healen Lodge.

“Since we’re in for a two hours ride and the wonderful scenery doesn’t seem to do anythin’ for you, wanna tell me why on Gaia you decided to do that and there?”  
Reno was well aware that it was highly inappropriate to ask a co-worker such a personal question. But his line between work and family had become very blurry a long time ago, and what was family for if not to be there for the important things in life? He knew that Tseng had a different view on their dynamics but that didn’t change the fact that the four of them had no one left outside of their little group.

Before Meteorfall, the Turks had been close due to their business’ nature. Tseng, Rude and him especially because of everything that had happened that led to them pledging their loyalty to Rufus. If asked, Reno would say that that bond was only strengthened by the consequences of Sephiroth’s actions. Seeing everything you know being torn apart and a bunch of near-death experiences, along with mourning (supposed) deaths, does that to you. Through it all, Elena remained loyal, and Reno would say that she earned her place in their weird little family.  
Especially because she, like each of them, knew by heart that being a Turk and getting the job done still stood above any brotherly or sisterly feelings one might harbor for another. Real, blood family would surely struggle more with that concept.

“Why there, because it’s not like there are any Shinra medical facilities left that I could turn to. And the President really doesn’t need to know. Why that…”  
Elena sighed and this time, Reno would give her all the time she would need until she felt comfortable speaking about it. He might not have much regard for rules or decency but he would never push someone he cared about when it came to sensitive matters.

“I never viewed myself as the housewife kind of woman. Wouldn’t have joined the Turks if I had. I knew what I was getting myself into, saw it with my sister. I think she would’ve enjoyed having a husband and kids at some point, or something like that. Anyway, it isn’t for me. And it’s not like we could. Have families, I mean.”  
“Veld had a family.”  
The noise that escaped Elena almost sounded like a snort.  
“Heard that didn’t work out too well for him. Besides, men have it a little easier than women when it comes to these things.”  
Reno nodded, hearing what she said and what she meant.  
“The chief wouldn’t deny you nine months of desk work only. And if any guy knocks you up, he may as well step up to his responsibilities. I’m not tryin’ to convince you or anything, don’t get me wrong. All I’m sayin’ is, it’s not like in the old days where they give you a bullet when you decide to step down, yo. I think you could make it work.”  
Humming understandingly, Elena replied, “But I don’t want to make it work. I like how things are.”

This time, it was up to Reno to let silence fill the small space of their car. The easy expression of his face faltered a little as he allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts for a moment.  
“I had a girl. Back in the early days, dunno whether you were around already. She was–“ The gesture the older made with one hand informed Elena that a more obscene form of the word ‘beautiful’ was supposed to fill the blank, “and a really sweet soul. Wanted to be a mom, though. And I couldn’t give her that. Not because I couldn’t, but because–“  
“Yeah, because you couldn’t”, Elena finished and the almost melancholic tone that swung in her voice let Reno know that she understood what he meant.  
“Didn’t have it in me”, he continued, “Not because I didn’t want to. But I don’t want it to be like that.”  
“The mission always comes first”, the younger quotes almost solemnly and Reno nods.

No matter how much sympathy there was between them, every Turk was intimately acquainted with the prospect of one of them not making it back from a mission, borderline expecting it to happen one day. They would always take care of their own, but above that stood the job. Reno felt that Elena understood that the ever-present and, due to the nature of their business, notably high chances of leaving behind a partner and a child didn’t meet his views on how parenthood should work.  
The mutual understanding passed between them like unspoken words. Reno gave them some time to settle before he asked, “Does it hurt?” and Elena knew that the question wasn’t just about her physical wellbeing. Maybe it wasn’t even directed at her only but also at himself.  
“A little”, she answered before she specified, “Stings when the car moves too much. The painkillers are wearing off.”  
“Should’ve told me ahead of time, yo. I would’ve brought some Materia.”  
“No Materia. It’s alright”, she declined immediately and Reno suspected that maybe Elena wasn’t that chill about not wanting kids at all.

He didn’t doubt that she wasn’t interested in playing family but the way she passed up on the Materia brought back memories of his own when he himself refused the solace of magical healing in favor of enduring the pain inflicted while deciding to carry out a momentous decision.  
He understood that walking the way you chose for yourself didn’t mean that it came without a share of pain and regret.

“Why did you join the Turks then?”  
The question caught him off guard, Reno’s small “Huh?” answered by Elena with the addition, “If you want kids. Why did you join? Didn’t you know what you got into?”  
The corners of his lips rose further, a reminiscing haze filling green eyes.  
“I wasn’t thinkin’ that far ahead, yo. As you said, it’s easier for us guys. Hadn’t yet grown into even considering that kinda responsibilities. Thought, well, if I knock a girl up, not really my problem. Turks are all over the place anyway. I could just disappear, end of the story.”  
“You were a dick”, Elena remarked and Reno laughed, “Yeah I was.”  
“But as you said. The times changed. You can still have a family, if you find the right woman.”

Instead of answering, Reno opted for a hum.  
It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it, especially now that the dust slowly settled and cleared the view on a new future. A better one, if Rufus’ plans work out. And wasn’t that what all of it was about? Wasn’t it a parent’s job to give their child all the tools necessary so they could face a bright future full of chances and possibilities?  
He would be a liar if Reno denied that he didn’t long for what else having a family would offer. Trust and love. That certain sense of belonging, companionship and protection.  
Especially now that he could count the people he truly cared about on one hand.

“Wouldn’t you miss the action though?”  
“You mean all the action of watching scientists mix stuff?”  
Reno snickered, well aware of where Elena’s mood was coming from. He was somewhat tired of their calmer everyday life as well, the occasional roughening up of citizens who voiced their Anti-Shinra mood by actions barely scratching the itch he felt for the older days where interrogations and assault had a permanent place in their schedules.  
Elena was young and motivated, sure, but there’s no denying that every single one of the Turks had a strong tendency to retreat to physical and psychological violence more than one would consider healthy. Not that being anti-violence would have any place in their jobs, but Reno believed that a Turks’ inhibition threshold (or the reasoned lack of thereof) was very much linked to their professional success.

Green irises glanced to the right and spotted the form of an exhausted woman dozing off next to him.  
A smile tugged at the tattoos high on Reno’s cheeks as he slowed down to prevent the car from bouncing too harshly as rocky wasteland transformed into uneven forest.

* * *

The sun stood high as he parked the car in front of a small house at the foot of the cliff that was Healen Lodge.  
Elena and Rude inhabited houses at the beginning of the wormed path that wove itself through the precipice while Reno got to enjoy an abode about halfway up the hill. Tseng would occupy his modest quarters farther up, close to Rufus’ residence, if he ever decided to actually inhabit those, which didn’t seem to ever be the case.  
Losing Aerith, almost dying and supposedly losing the President had left Tseng in a seemingly permanent state of activeness. Reno knew that his superior’s ostensibly inexhaustible will and energy to work was a coverup for deeper damage done to his psyche, but he didn’t dare approach the issue, especially since the Second in Command felt that most of Tseng’s issues had its roots between him and Rufus. Being partnered up with Elena most of the time, Reno was confident that she kept an eye on him and would speak up should Tseng’s passive-aggressive ways of issue management become too extreme.

Exiting the driver seat and rounding the car, Reno opened the door for the younger to find her tired eyes looking up to him.  
“I need your help. The meds wore off and–“  
“Don’t need to explain yourself. That’s what I’m here for, yo.”  
He would have offered to carry her but the redhead knew that his colleague was far too proud for that. Instead, he hunched down to allow her to sling her right arm around his shoulders, his own left one sneaking around her back and to get a firm grip above her waist once she heaved herself out of her seat.

Kicking the door close with one foot, the two of them made their way to Elena’s temporary home. They took each step slow with Reno carrying most of Elena’s weight as she struggled to move past the painful stabs the movement seemed to cause her. It was only a short distance, but he found her clinging to him, out of breath and slightly swaying by the time they reached the front door.  
“Almost there”, Reno reassured as she fumbled with her keys to unlock the door.

Their current homes consisted of one main room and one bathroom, which was more than enough considering that they only spent time there when they either showered or slept. Closing the door behind them, Reno led Elena straight to her bed, making sure that she would sit down slowly as to not further aggravate her wounds. He fluffed and piled up two pillows behind her and held out his bent arm so she could easily let herself fall back to rest.  
The older Turk knew why she hurt and that it was her own decision which he respected, but he couldn’t help the twinge of guilt at the sight of her pained expression.

Carefully touching the hem of her shirt and holding eye contact, Reno silently asked for permission to have a look at her wounds. The Turks had patched each other up enough times to know what the layers of clothing hid underneath, however, this was a much more private, significantly less urgent kind of care he offered to provide and he would understand if it crossed a line. But it didn’t, so he carefully pushed the hems of her shirt and sweatpants out of the way once she nodded her consent.  
Reno replaced the clothing far enough so he could remove the patches that hid the offending gashes. Underneath, he found thin, angry red cuts. They were obviously deep but properly closed, which washed away the worrying thought in the back of Reno’s mind that Elena might have had turned to some shady backyard butcher that would lastingly mess her up.

Turning around, Reno headed for the bathroom to gather clean supplies and redress the wounds. Most of the spaces had the same layout, so Reno knew right away where he would find what he needed. He stopped in the small kitchen space on his way back, picking up a bottle of water and a cold pack and handed over the water bottle right away as he stepped back next to Elena.

“You’re supposed to drink that, yo”, Reno commented as she rolled the bottle over her forehead instead of following his prompt.  
“Just give me a moment”, she muttered and Reno couldn’t help feeling the uncomfortable, tight feeling in his chest at how strained her voice sounded. The urge to offer her Materia treatment once more rose in his mind but he decided against acting on it. He would help her keep the pain at bay as best as he could, however, he understood that she wanted to feel it in order to conclude that chapter of her life.  
Sitting down next to her legs, he made quick work of cleaning the incisions and applying patches over them before pushing Elena’s clothes back into place, careful to not catch on the sensitive areas. He wrapped the cold pack in a fluffy towel and gently placed it on her lower stomach, whispering an apology as she hissed at the contact.

“Would you like me to stay?”, Reno asked and was replied with a soft smile and a shake of her head, “I will be fine.”  
“Need anything else?”  
“No, I’m good. I’ll sleep it off and be as good as new tomorrow morning.”  
Reno scoffed at that.

Moving to throw the used medical supplies in the bathroom bin, Reno snatched a heating pad from a top shelf and placed it in the kitchen’s small microwave so Elena wouldn’t have to do it herself if she needed it. Tipping a window for fresh air, he closed the blinds halfway to dim the light before he spoke, “I’ll talk to Tseng, you’ll get the weekend off. I don’t want you pushin’ and hurtin’ yourself. And don’t even think about arguing about that. I’m still your boss, yo.”

Even dizzy from exhaustion, Elena didn’t miss the opportunity to roll her eyes at Reno’s words and playful wink.

He strode back to the bed, reached over to check the handgun he knew she kept hidden behind an additional pillow and used the opportunity to gently drape the light blanket over her. Finding the weapon decently cared for and ready for emergency use, he stashed it back and gave the room a quick once-over, making sure everything was in order and safe.

“You know, with your dad shirt and coddling me like this… makes me think you would’ve been a good father.”  
Raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow at that, Reno decided to laugh her comment off, tousling her hair in the process to further empathize how amusing he found her statement.  
“You gotta be high on somethin’, Laney. Sleep well.”

The sun tickled his skin as Reno stepped outside Elena’s house.  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, let the unique scent of mountain air fill his senses.

For a brief moment, he allowed his thoughts to drift, wondered how things would be if he had made a different choice. Hadn’t dedicated his life to Rufus Shinra and the Turks, had taken the opportunity to leave and build his own life with someone he loved by his side.

Approaching the car, Reno removed his grey t-shirt to change in his uniform.  
And he found that everything would be the same.


End file.
